if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
