he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
bring money and cleavage
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
