I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
