As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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