Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
