Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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