is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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