I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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