After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
