did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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