I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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