Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
