That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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