If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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