I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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