So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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