Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
