my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize