but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
