First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
