I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
