Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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