I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
