You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
