I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
