So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
