things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
