I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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