Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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