i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
