Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
