Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
