I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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