I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
