i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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