she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
