Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
