You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
