I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
