I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Drake has all the answers
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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