I'm eating all of the evidence.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
