im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
