You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
