I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
