Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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