Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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