please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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