so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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