i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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