Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
