Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
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He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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