She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
