Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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