i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
