I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
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and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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