no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
