I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
