We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
