3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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