She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
