this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Randomize
