Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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