was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
