dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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