My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
