I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
