There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
