He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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