Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
