So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
