My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
