Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
