U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
