I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
