i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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