ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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