MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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