im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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