allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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