I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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