Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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